How to empower victims of domestic violence: a practical guide

What empowerment means when someone is experiencing domestic abuse

Empowerment means helping a person regain choice, confidence and control at their own pace. It does not mean deciding what they should do or expecting them to leave straight away. There may be many reasons why someone stays, returns or is not ready to talk about what is happening.

Domestic abuse can include emotional, financial, physical or sexual harm, as well as controlling behaviour. It can happen in relationships and within families. Whatever its form, the person affected deserves to be listened to and supported without blame.

If you are supporting someone, ask what would feel useful and safe to them. If you are seeking help yourself, you do not need to have everything worked out before speaking to someone.

Practical ways to support someone and strengthen their choices

• Listen without judgement. Try phrases such as, “I’m glad you told me” or “You deserve to feel safe.” Avoid asking why they stayed or suggesting that they should simply leave.

• Offer choices rather than instructions. Ask whether they would like help finding information, talking through options or contacting a service. Let them decide what happens next wherever possible.

• Think about safety together. Ask whether it is safe to talk, message or leave information with them. A safety plan can include who to contact, where to go in an emergency and what to do if risk changes. Plans need to fit the person’s circumstances; avoid taking actions that could increase danger without their agreement.

• Respect privacy. Do not share what they have told you without consent, except where there is an immediate safety concern or a safeguarding duty. Be mindful that phones, accounts and browsing may be monitored. Use a safer device or communication method if needed.

• Offer practical help. With their permission, you could help them find specialist support, make a call, attend an appointment or understand a letter. Small, reliable offers can make it easier to take a next step.

• Recognise their strengths. Acknowledge the decisions and steps they are already taking. Confidence can take time to rebuild, especially when someone has been repeatedly controlled or undermined.

For professionals, a calm, consistent response can make a difference. Explain what you can keep confidential and any limits to that confidentiality. Ask about immediate safety and children’s wellbeing, follow your organisation’s safeguarding procedures, and avoid contacting the person causing harm or arranging joint conversations without specialist advice and the affected person’s informed agreement.

Seven possible signs of emotional abuse

There is no single checklist that can determine what is happening. These behaviours may be signs of emotional abuse, particularly when they form a pattern that makes someone feel frightened, controlled or less able to make their own choices:

1. Repeated insults, put-downs or humiliation.

2. Blaming the other person for the harmful behaviour or making them feel at fault for everything.

3. Trying to control who they see, where they go or what they do.

4. Isolating them from friends, family or other support.

5. Monitoring their messages, calls or movements without consent.

6. Threatening them, their children, pets or someone they care about.

7. Denying events or twisting conversations in ways that make them doubt their memory or judgement.

Financial control can also be part of domestic abuse. It may involve restricting access to money, interfering with work or creating debt in someone else’s name. The person affected does not need to use a particular label before asking for help.

Finding support for emotional or financial abuse

The GOV.UK guide to getting help with domestic abuse explains ways to seek support and access services. The NHS information on domestic violence and abuse also describes possible effects and routes to help.

For financial abuse, Surviving Economic Abuse offers information and support for people affected by economic abuse. A bank may also have a team trained to support customers experiencing financial control. If it is safe, ask the bank about options for protecting accounts and personal information.

If you are supporting someone, offer to look at these resources together rather than sending links or messages that might be unsafe for them to receive. They may prefer to use a trusted device or ask a professional to help them make contact.

Healing after abuse within a family

Recovery is personal and there is no set timetable. It can help to reconnect with people who feel safe, set boundaries where possible, and speak with a health professional or specialist service. Some people find counselling helpful; in England, you can read about NHS talking therapies, including how to access them.

If the person causing harm is a family member, support can still be relevant even if the person affected is an adult or no longer lives with them. If contact continues, consider discussing boundaries and safety with a specialist before making changes that could increase risk. There is no need to manage recovery alone.

Will a child be taken away because of emotional abuse?

A parent experiencing domestic abuse should not assume their child will automatically be taken into care for asking for help. Children’s safety and needs should be assessed individually. The response depends on the circumstances, and the priority should be to protect children while supporting the non-abusive parent where it is safe to do so.

If you are worried about a child, speak with a social worker, safeguarding professional or solicitor about the situation. The GOV.UK explanation of the child protection system describes how concerns about a child’s safety may be considered. If a child or adult is in immediate danger, call 999.

How Non Violentiam CIC can fit into your support network

Non Violentiam is a Community Interest Company that supports mothers and children affected by domestic abuse. To ask a question or find out more, visit Non Violentiam CIC’s website or contact the team.

If there is an emergency, call 999.